“Here’s How I Awakened”, in Sacred Conversation, with Aisha.

Dec 10

On the 8th of December, Aisha was gracious enough to offer to share some experiences and revelations with me over a call, as always i was more than happy to listen to what they had to say, and after a couple of minutes had passed during the call, i recalled my promise to never let the miracle of their words vanish into intangible memory so i got out my other device and hit the record button. This is why we have copies of recordings from parts of the call. A couple of minutes before the call came to a complete end, i asked them if we could share this offering and they were generous with their affirmative response, allowing me to publish this offering here, in both audio and written format.

We spoke for over two hours, across two West African countries. Fortunately, it was one of those days when my responsibility in the conversation was to listen, to be an audience. All i did here was hold space and in turn the space held me back. This offering in conversation covers stories from the Bible and the Quran, ideas on how to create God, they spoke on the ultimate sacrifrice of Jesus, the rhythm of duality, on different layers of Consciousness, on Memory as the highest currency of spirit design, why all gods are triggered by betrayal and so much more. I stood as a priest in service collecting this offering, i ate some of it for myself and now i give it back to those it really belongs to, all those who care for food like this one. I invite you, come and eat, drink, from this conversation.

I must warn you or at least give you a heads up, this conversation lasted for over two hours, due to technicalities the recordings split themselves into three parts, all wholesome enough. I have attached every part to this post. At the end of the day it was really a conversation about storytelling as god work, enjoy!

Conversation feature credits:

Mohammed Awwali, present as Aisha/Awal.
sloane angelou, present as Oma.
Audio transcription by Notta, edited by Oma.

the voice pitch of each audio recording (part) has been changed, other than that everything else remains exactly the same as it was recorded during the call.

Duration: 46:03 (forty six minutes and three seconds long)

Awal: A story that exists in a loop, that exists in a circle, that suits itself, that goes on and on in circle. And one of the best ways to go about it is to have a before and an after. Usually the before, the God before is more powerful than the God after. But it's the God after that people notice, that they wait for, that they talk about, because it's the one that makes the self known to people. So the God after is the God perceived, the God seen, you know, it's the message. But the God before, the silent God, the silent self inside you is more powerful than the God you show people, because the God you show people is limited. It's human, no matter what. Yeah, it can’t prove itself. It can’t levitate. It can't walk on water. Which is why Jesus' case is so special, because you know the God-son is a loop. There's a divide, you know. First of all, how to put it in theory is that.... how to create a God is, you have to create a good story. And there would have to be a sacrifice, there would have to be at some point a missing body, and then the God has to find his body again. So, you know, let's go, let's go, let's dance. Let's dance.

Oma: i’m with you a hundred percent

Awal: Yeah, I know you are. So, to create a God, a higher self, you create a part of itself, you know, make it visible to everyone. And then it will give it a spirit design, before and after, both the before and after would have the same spirit and human design. It's this trickster, the trickster spirit. That's what most gods are in their human form when they are here. Everything is a trick, everything is a trick, everything is witchcraft, everything is just performance. Because as a human, we do not really know what we fully are, so we are lost. Do you think Jesus turned water to wine because he was divine? He turned it because he was bored and he wanted attention. It's at a wedding, he was very young. Such a young boy. I think, I was telling my friend the other day, that I am a god. I'm being a god, the business of being a god isn't as egotistical as people think. Its actually the letting go of the ego that creates a god. Let go of all ego, egotistical function, all attachment you have to your memory, to identity, you rise above it, that's how you become God. God is just your higher intelligence, your higher self, that place beyond your flesh and body and inside your flesh and body, that's how you become God. But the Jesus case is so interesting because all gods are afraid of time, all gods that have ever existed are afraid of time, we all are, not because we are mortals, but because we stay within time and time moves. Remember I told you migration is God, time moves, so whatever moves inside time is moved by time. So time can move a god, time can move you, time can age you, time can create a circle for you. So the only way a god can live with time, can exist in time, is to live with it, is to flow with it, is to get accustomed to its rules, to know that it's not linear, to know that it can bend, can shape itself, you can shape it, you can take time, you can take your time, you can slow down. So time is a slippery plane, if you try to run, you will slip and you will fall and fall forever, if you try to walk, you will slip down and fall and break your leg or break your mind. The way to go about traveling through time is slowly, very slowly, like a dance, very slow dance, you do it slowly so that when you trip, you trip slowly, you see that you are tripping, so you can come back because it's like walking on a rope, walking on a slippery narrow space. So if you are falling, you slow down. Then you realize that there's no such thing as falling off time. You can fall around time. You can be upside down in time, but you can always come back up. So there's really no such thing as losing your mind. Because you are still in time, time still holds your mind. So what Jesus did, I am interested in talking about Jesus because he's one of my favorite gods. What he did, what a lot of gods do, but most people do not pay attention to it. Because Jesus' story has a better story than most. Jesus' story has a sacrifice for the ultimate good. Humans are selfish, they want someone to die for them and he did. But the loop he created was, I'll be back. That's how you beat time as a god. I'll be back. You keep the story in people's minds. You lose your body. For ever, but first you lose your body, then you show them that you never really needed your body. Then you come back inside that body after three days, then you go. But you say, I'll be back. 2000 years. Jesus has been feeding on time. For 2000 years. Do you know? That's the only loop. The loop. That's how you create God. In fact, in his human form turning water to wine all of those things, any spirit can do it. Any spirit who you want to pay attention to it, if that's what you want to do with your life, that's your spirit design, that's your capacity, you will do it. There's nothing special about that. A lot of people, prophet or non -prophet, they do it. It's just the good ending to the story. That was the best part. Because the end is the beginning. You'll be back. It's a loop. You'll come back again. So, attention, empathy, memory, all of those things.

Oma: I was going to ask, do you think the ultimate sacrifice that Jesus really offered us was a story, an ultimate story?

Awal: Yes. A story that someone who is human, it's a story of duality. It's a story of duality. And duality is the most God like thing you can think of. Do you know why? Have you heard of Zul-Qarnain before?

Oma: Of what? No. what is that?

Awal: Zul-Qarnain he was mentioned one time in the Quran. That's the only place I've ever seen him mentioned. It's kind of the father of people like myself. I don't know about you, but he is the father of people like myself. So, Zul-Qarnain is a spirit that is neither good nor bad. It just is.

Oma: So this person is God then?

Awal: No, he is just a being who has sight. Like you know the title of being God is basically like being mister this person. It's just a signifier. It's not a status. It's not a job. You can be God and do nothing. And live for the rest of your life without doing anything it's fine. It's not a job. Nobody is giving you any job like you must do something. But if you want to do something, and you are a God, you will do it. Because you have something humans don't have. You exist beyond normal human brain capacity, for empathy, for emotions, for memory, for perceiving time, for perceiving other realities, for sensitivity, you know? Because most humans live and die without ever living, they are dead in spirit. But Zul-Qarnain, why I think, why I think he is the most powerful signifier of the divinity is that his name means the one with the two horns. But most people hear him and they think ad-Dajja, they think they are anti-christ. But it's not the anti -Christ. It's not the anti-christ. In fact, Jesus is the anti-christ. He's both Christ and anti-christ. It's duality. That's what I'm trying to tell you. Duality. A good story that Jesus created is duality. And I will explain the duality in probably two to three layers if you are patient with me.

Oma: Take your time. I'm here I’m listening.

Awal: Okay, so in dualities…the divinity of dualities, let's take Zul-Qarnain for example because his name translates to the one with two horns, you would think it means two literal horns. But then they'll tell you the meaning is east and west, you know? East and West. Which means being in two places at the same time, right? But also, the horn is like a, if you look at a horn from the top, from heaven or whatever, it's like two dots. It's like two dots, you know, opposite each other. Do you know what you can do with two dots? You can either draw a straight line to meet the other dot or what you draw a circle. There are no other shapes you can create. A straight line or a circle. So in your god form, you either to walk from one state where you don't perceive yourself to the next stage where you embody your spirit in your body and you become or if you already know you are a god but you don't want to die you can go around, you can create a loop. These are the only two god forms there that I know of. So it's why I like Zul-Qarnain so much because he lived, well not lived, he was only perceived in the Quran in the time of Moses, Musa. Moses thought he was God's favorite, thought he was God's prophet with his mission, his great mission to free his people, yada yada yada yada, he had an ego on him, he had a chip on his shoulder. He thought, yeah, I am him on earth, just here to dish out his justice and the lord told him you know nothing and he was like, I wrote the Torah. You gave me the Torah, you whispered in my ear, I talked to a burning bush, who the fuck on this earth knows more about your wonders than I do? God said today I will let you meet a being, you spend a few days with him and then you come back and tell me if you know anything. So that chapter in the Quran, Moses meets Zul-Qarnain, but Zul-Qarnain is a very self-preserved being, he tells you how to act with him, how long you are going to be with him, how many questions you get to ask, and when you will be on your way. So I can't go into all the things Zul-Qarnain showed Moses, but it's sort of like he can perceive time, he can tell the future, especially the future that's happening in like 3 minutes to 3 months from now. Like for example, they are on a ship going somewhere and he takes out a spear and he starts stabbing the ship, the floorboard. And Moses is like, surely you are not good like God said you are, you are not special like God said you are, because if you are special you will be good, and if you are good you will not be destroying someone else's ship. Do you see what Moses is thinking? Moses thinks to be divine you have to be good. There's no such thing as being good and bad in divinity, there's only divinity.

Oma: correct, very correct.

Awal: Zul-Qarnain laughs and tells him, two orphans owns this ship and it's all they have as their means of livelihood. A quater from here there are guards that belong to the king who is seizing every good ship he can find. If he finds this ship in excellent shape, he will take it. But if he sees the hole in it, he will let it go. That's one example. Discernment, the eyes. Anyway, so I was trying to talk about the duality of Christ.

Oma: Yes

Awal: Well, the first obvious duality is that he is a son, right? Not the father, right? But then, catholics will tell you its the same thing. Now that's duality. And the second one is the loop he created. But every good story has to have... The loop is the story, right? Like I said, but every good story has to have a protagonist and an antagonist. And then he took such control of time's narrative that he created an Antichrist. A Christ and an Antichrist. He told everybody where he will slay the Antichrist. In this world, despite the fact that no one has used a sword in fucking years, the Muslim will tell you Jesus will ride down Antichrist to Jerusalem and slay him with his sword. That's a good story. But Jesus is a trickster spirit. He is not good either. He whipped people. He got angry and he whipped people. I do not hold any mischaracterization of him. I do not see him in a good or a bad light. I just think this world has been, capitalism has been in this world in different forms for a long time. One of the forms it has been in is believing there is just one God. Reducing all divinity to one. That's capitalism.

Oma: Monotheism, right.

Awal: Monetheism, yeah. So all other symbols, all other spirits, all other philosophies, all other things that exist as strands in time does not matter except the only few. And so in a world where everybody is asleep, they sleepwalk in slumber, their eyes are not open. So it's only the brightest light that everybody follows. And whoever controls the brightest torch controls the masses. So one of the oldest form of control in this world has been Branding. It's very old. Branding. So the Catholic has a strong branding. The Pope is a good brand. Rome, all of those is a good brand. But that's not Christianity. We all know that that's just good branding. A powerful empire saw that Christianity was here to stay and they co-opted it and they made it their brand. After them other powerful empires will take it on and they'll use it as a torch so that everybody will swarm around them because they have the torch and they can get you to get your gold coins and your loyalty and your life and all of those things. So branding is one of the most ancient things in the world. In my meditation yesterday I realized, like, if I really want Memory, real access to all the things that are lost, I can go two ways. I can go your way and I can go to the earth and ask it to give me or I can go to Unilever, that used to be the Niger company, and ask them to give me file records for Ankpa from 1903 to 1930, what happened. I'll tell them I was alive then, but I was two, I was both Baba Aisha and Aisha. So what happened I need to know because the last thing I remember was Aisha missing and Baba Aisha walking off, just going on a trekking journey blind and just walking into eternity that's the only thing I remember but let's talk about duality even for a second so the duality of Christ is the God Son and the God so the real God exists all powerful it creates a smaller version of himself that's a trickster spirit and the trickster spirit learns of the world, lives in the world, is lost, either has no sense of purpose or a high sense of purpose, either misuses his power or uses it for good it doesn't matter because divinity has no job title no job role so the real duality I found was when I experienced anger as an emotion almost a month ago a strong sense of anger because I placed the anger on one of the only things that triggers most gods, that triggers their divinity, do you know what that is?

Oma: what's that?

Awal: Betrayal, betrayal it triggers you if you have a god spirit, if you are ancient, betrayal triggers you because this is not the first time and the first time was really really hot, so I thought yeah I felt the betrayal and then I started awakening. I started awakening but only layers, you know only in layers, because I am 28 years old now it takes seven years for the body to recycle like every cell in your body becomes new after seven years so after every seven years you are an entirely different person, in your body tissue. It takes 7 years i am 28 years old, which means I've had four life cycles. We're still talking about duality, two two, right?

Oma: Yes

Awal: And so if I've had four life cycles in this lifetime, think of all the life cycles I've had. It's going to take me the rest of my life to get to my true form and then I'll have to die and then come back again. But I'm thinking of how to beat the problem. I'm thinking of writing a book. I'm thinking of showing people my faces using the book. Then maybe I can turn into the book for a while. Or the most powerful way any god can live is an idea. The body isn't the purpose. The idea is, Idea creates memory, idea creates road in time, idea moves one thing from one place to the other, the most powerful form of prophecy we have is imagination. Yeah, let's dance a little, it's imagination so you want to build a house you create the design for the house and in a few months it comes into life right? That's prophecy that's willpower, that's god work. We are so lost in what we think is the divine it's so monotheism, so capitalized that we think only the brightest torches are God work. The act of you changing your life isn't God work, building a house isn't God work, plying a road through a place that doesn't exist isn't God work. We have lost wonder, we don't wonder anymore. We are asleep. Not we anyway, they are asleep.

Oma: But why do you think that is?

Awal: Because of the shock of living, because people who have a better sense of capturing memory than others have made sure others forget and never remember. Memory is the highest currency in this world. All the wars, all the wars, all the fights, all the Geneva Convention, all of it is made from memory. Whose memory in this world is remembered? That's what the war is about. The Nazis fought the war not because they hate the Jews. The Jews were just collateral damage. They wanted to rewrite the story of the world where they are stronger and everybody's weaker. That was it. America doesn't fight the war in Afghanistan because of oil, oil is the byproduct of the war, Afghanistan, Iraq, Saudi Arabia. They come from an entirely different world with an entirely different memory and they don't want to forget that's the problem .They don't want to forget. They are good. They will wear suits. They will go to Harvard. They'll do anything but they don't want to forget. Don't forget their story. I am not saying it is a good story. I am not saying it is a healthy story but America shouldnt be the only story. The West shouldn't be the only story the world knows. Look at the rest of us they are trying to do the same thing to us or they did the same thing anyway. We have forgotten who we are, how to live, we have forgotten how to make communities. What communities do, what they are here for, they fix things and communities knows things. If you have a line of direction, of connection between now and the past, you will know things. Because nothing, no story has ever existed on this world and ended. Once a story gets into the time flow, it lives forever. So you live forever, your people live forever, language lives forever.

Oma: So memory is sustained when the people that carry it are alive.

Awal: Yes, that's why whenever people say our people are ignorant because they didn't write, they didn't have a form of language that is written. That's foolishness. Now the knowledge, the book isn't the only form of… the book is like a spell. It's like a forge masters hammer or their knife to carve something. It's a tool. Language, the story isn't… the book isn't the most important thing in the world. It's not the only form of knowledge, it's just a tool. It's a good tool, but it gets lost also. It's the same way we have gotten lost. But saying word of mouth isn’t a form of preserving a story is a lie. Folklore, folk tales, stories by moonlight, your grandmother's anecdotes and her speeches and idioms and all of those things, they are just as real and as important as every other art form. Maybe they didn't see the need to create a language on books. Maybe it didn't impress them. Maybe they just knew nothing dies. So why feel the anxiety of trying to store or preserve or own any form of knowledge when nothing dies? Would you like to ask another question? Or should I tell you the story of my awakening?

Oma: No go ahead. Go ahead. Tell me the story of your awakening.

Awal: So I won't go into details to the form of the betrayal. Everything happened in layers. The moment I got betrayed, my eyes opened and they never closed I started opening the pages of the world, opening the pages of my own stories, opening the pages of human psyche. Page after page after page. Until I got overstimulated. I came back from where I traveled to I was under stress, I barely ate, I lost so much weight that it alarmed everybody, but my mind was strong. So I realized I needed to rest a lot, I was burnt out, you know, I needed to sleep. And then I figured out, started figuring out names for myself. The first one I saw frightened me, I saw Narcissist. Then the last one I saw was empath, spiritual empath, so duality, you see? And in between narcissist and spiritual empath, I saw narcissists, then I saw autistic, then I saw all the types of empathy you can have. Then I saw twice, exceptional, highly gifted. Then I saw….then after that, I no longer needed my phone to do research, it became about the research of the body, body memory, memories of lifetimes, but I didn't know that. So all I did was stay awake in my mind, do less, i started moving slower, you know how most god's move through time, slowly, like a trick. It's like, someone is moving slowly, but is the fastest person around, among you. Because its god work. I started moving slowly, i started doing everything slowly. And then words and sentences started coming to me. The first one is, I have time. We have time. Yes, I have time. I took time. But I didn't really take time because time is there for everyone so I have time. That's the first one. It calmed my spirit in so many ways. I have time, I have time. I can say it a thousand times, I'll never get tired. Because theres time to say more, I have time, I have time, I have time. In a day, I have so much time. In a moment, I have time. The world is rich in layers. Every single second is an eternity. The memory of a second in this world, the blink of your eye, the memory of a blink of your eye, if they put it in your brain, you will collapse. What God, what time does in the blink of an eye, if they download it into a file and they put the file in your brain and say, open it, read it, you will age. You will live an eternity. In the desert, there is a camel striding up a dune right now. Do you know that? How long will it take you to know that? Anyway, we're talking about me as much as I'm uncomfortable talking about myself, especially in this form, because most people when they see they think it's a display, they think you are you are a power drunk, or you are being dramatic, or you are just showing off.

Oma: that's not what it is.

Awal: If the truth is high, it's high. That's all. You can't water it. You can't be humble about it. Because you are not egotistical about it. It's just truth. That's all. There's no ego in me right now.

Oma: Its just a true thing.

Awal: It's just a true thing. If you say you are not a God, you are being foolish. I'll say yes. I am not a God and I'm being foolish. Duality. Yes, it's true. I'm not a God. I'm human. I failed most of the things I tried to do in this life. I'm foolish. I'm telling myself this story to make myself feel good about all the things I can't control. Of course, I'm not a God. I'm human. There's only one God. There's just Allah. I should bend to Him. I should put my head down on the this thing. Yes, that is true also. It's just being able to see all truths.

Oma: that's the very thing that makes you a God anyway.

Awal: Yes. You can't hurt me with one truth. When I know that there isn't just one truth. Or one definition of what…. You cannot do anything to me. Nobody can do anything to me anymore. Nobody can take anything from me anymore. Because nobody gives anybody anything. And nobody takes anything from anyone.

Oma: Right.

Awal: As long as you have your spirit anyway.

Oma: Yeah. You keep using the term overstimulated, when you say that, what do you mean?

Awal: I meant... I meant I came back from Zaria and I couldn't control my mind. I kept reading about everything. I kept reading about everything. And I kept having little sleep. And I kept listening to music. Everything that stimulates me, I was into it. When I became overstimulated, I became sensitive to everything. Sound. Sight. Taste. Everything. So, like an autistic person. Yeah? If I go out I have to wear sunshades. And I have to have my earpiece with me always. Sunshades and earpiece. That's my companion. But really, every story is repetitive. Sunshades and earpiece have been the story of my life the whole time. So yes, I am autistic. It just, I just had to eat autism. It was the dinner that was in front of me. I had to eat it. I had to digest it. I had to accept it. Then make it part of the duality, the dance, the cosmic dance. It's just in their swelling. It's not my identity, it's just one of it. It is true. It is true that I'm autistic. It just doesn't matter. Not as much anymore. Not as much as the whole story. So, I get over stimulated and I come back home and I have to rest a lot. I have to do less work. I have to do less of everything. Someone told me something on twitter. People tell me things these days. Everywhere I go, people tell me things. People tell me things on TikTok. People tell me things on Twitter. People tell me things without me asking them. I go to fix my phone and the guy… my laptop keyboard and the guy sits me down and gives me financial advice that I needed to hear in that moment. Everything I've seen and heard in the past two weeks are things I need exactly in that moment. Everybody offers me things.

Oma: Synchronicity.

Awal: Synchronicity, I am completely synchronized. Everybody, I can explain anything I see. I can explain why it happened. What I was thinking of that needed that answer. It's like a jar. Every jar has a lid and all my lids are being covered and opened and covered and opened and being fed into things. So I wanted to keep going with my phone. I saw something on Twitter that said, if you are climbing up a tree that you shouldn't climb or you are done climbing, your ancestors, your spirit guides would literally grab you from that palm tree. They'll pull you from it. Like come down child, come down before you hurt yourself. Or come down and walk here instead. What I mean is that in every moment in time, your spirit has split into thousands of astral….. between the astral plane and the reality there's this etheric plane where the plants live, right? the plant consciousness you know a plant's ability to learn how to grow, so in every moment in time your body is split into thousands of forms not exactly, it's just… humor me stay with me…. your body is split into thousands of forms and there are thousands of holes around you in time, time holes that you can move through, there are thousands of choices you can take

Oma: so like possibilities

Awal: Possibilities but many sleeves many sleeves so you come into that sleeve you wear it. If you take a choice, you wear one sleeve. But if you take another choice instead of that choice, you wear another sleeve. It's like skin. There are so many of your skin around you. So that day, when I started, when I became awake, things that were hard for me, when I was running and flying became easier for me. When I slowed down, things like visions, things like vision, like truth, like sight, I began to read people more. I began to read time more, the book. I began to see alternate realities and my human spirit was content and satisfied with calling it a story idea, a muse. So I started writing. I have downloaded a complete analysis of my first book. None of it is an idea I conceived. They all came to me and each of them are some of the most important stories to ever come from my people. I basically created a god book. Everything in the book is in a loop. There are several circles, several circles, circles on circles on circles on circles. Every story is a circle. There is a center to it. There is an edge to it. But it's a loop. I thought of names to give it.

Oma: Amazing. I'm listening.

Awal: Thank you. I thought of names to give you the book. At first I said the book of migrations. Because every character in in the book is migrating somewhere, it's going somewhere. Every single character is going somewhere. So I say, and you know how I feel about migration, about movement? It's why our people loved to dance. Why they loved to dance? Every congregation, someone dies, they dance. Because movements, frequency, repetition, feet tapping, these are god things. These are energy. These are how to draw energy from the earth, from anything. It's why autistic people stimulate….they tap their feet consistently, you know? Or they rub their feet together or something, something that involves repetition. Because it's the God's spirit in them trying to draw the too much energy they have in them into something else, to draw their attention from something else, because attention is energy. Anyway, I wanted to call it a book of migration, but then I then saw that it was also about time. So I wanted to call it the book of time. None of those things…it seemed generic, it was like naming a collection of poetry Then I found it I found it. The name is Scarecrow.

Oma: Oh wow

Awal: Scarecrow. That's all there's nothing beehind it there's nothing ahead of it, just Scarecrow

Oma: Hm, that's very interesting

Awal: Scarecrow are the only things that exist standing in time and still exist. Yes, it's a face, it's a body. It stands on your farm and a goat will think it's alive. Yet it barely moves.

Oma: So it's an illusion.

Awal: It's an illusion. Like everything around us, like the world we live in right now, it's an illusion. Someone created this story. Someone created this reality and they did it by keeping record, by having tradition. Then they convinced us that since they live in the west and they're civilized, they have no tradition. That what they do isn’t witchcraft. What we do is witchcraft, what they do isn't witchcraft. You think creating phones and creating this thing isn’t witchcraft? There's nothing anyone has created west, east, anywhere that isn't made from the earth. I've been carrying this bag this tote bag that is made out of the Dodoma, a praying mat and I've been carrying it and when I went to my girlfriend's house the first day I wanted her to comment on how fashionable it is but she told me, ah that looks like Dibia's bag. A Dibia, that looks like a dibias bag and I got offended I was like, are you trying to say something of the opposite of what I want you to say? So you don't praise me, you know…

Oma: but thats a praise

Awal: I mean, three weeks after. Yeah, that's a praise. Yeah, three weeks after I told her, hey, this is a medicine bag, you know that right? She said yes. She told me it was a dibias bag. This is a medicine bag. And she asked me what's inside. I said there's nothing inside. Anything that's inside is already inside me. I just keep it as extra storage. So I keep my tools inside. And what is my tool? A laptop. What do I do with a laptop? I tell stories. What do stories do? You and I know it already. It's the very embodiment of my divinity that I keep in the laptop. That I keep in, its a tool I use. It's creating bodies, creating minds, creating stories, realities. So, here's how I awakened. After I started receiving the visions for the book. And they were so crystal clear, like drinking out of...sometimes I see the character, I see them. Even now, if I want to see something, as we are on this call because I am in high spirit, right now, you... This conversation charges me. If I want to see something, I will see it. So I was just seeing it so clearly and peeling pages after pages after pages, but I could not stop dealing with the ways of the world. Responding to messages on my phone, going to Quora and Reddit and reading about autism, about all of those, or just a lot of autism stuff and everything, I was limiting myself with human language. So I needed to die, but the death wasn't the problem. I already knew that I was going to die, by deceiving my parents that I was going to travel for something and then end up not doing it. That wasn't the real story. I went, I did the whole thing. And when I…. I was supposed to go to Ibadan to write an exam, I didn't want to go because I had... Because it was time to wake up and do something and have some self-interest, you know, some self-will of like... There's no such thing as being good or bad. When you're fighting for the story of your life, all knives are allowed. You can lie, you can manipulate, you can do anything as long as you're fighting for the story of your life. So I lied to them. I said I was going to Ibadan, I didnt. I went to a hotel in Abuja. But the day I came to the hotel, I was still interested in googling stuff, in reading stuff, in the relationship between autism and spirituality. I was still interested in spirituality, like it's some brand thing that I would use as a shoulder pad, you know, some extra chip on my shoulder that because I'm autistic is why I'm still interested in why. It wasn't a question of why, it's not a question of science, it's a question of fiction, its a problem of fiction, the problem of how, not why, how. So my spirit, I was in a room, I felt like I didn't have enough time or I have too much time. So whatever I was doing wasn't enough. I couldn't go through with my plan of sleeping and journaling and reading. I said, let me go to Banex and repair my laptop screen. My spirit said, are you sure? I said, yes, what else will I do here? Everything else I plan to do today isn't special, but the time has given me the chance to go and do this particular thing. I'm not satisfied. It said, okay, go now. I took my laptop, I took a bike, five minutes into the journey, my phone slipped from my pocket and crashed on the road. Completely split, condemned. Every file I saved on autism, every file I saved on narcissism, on all everything, every research, all of it gone. There's no way to retrieve it and I love it. I'm grateful for it. The sacrifice. The sacrifice. But here's the beauty of the sacrifice. I am disconnected completely from the world except my partner. For two days I was presumed dead or wounded. And in that liminal space between life and death, being alive while being thought dead, I had a dream. In that dream, before the dream, actually before the dream, before the dream, when my partner came to meet me at the hotel and we spent time together, I began to reveal myself to her. Because there's a reason we are together in the first place. Because we have the same soul type. We are made of the same soul type. Anyway, I started revealing things to her. I told her, there are two people inside me. I've been saying these things since I was in secondary school. The first way I said it was that I have this kind of duality. Every time there's a repetition of two in my life. The first way was, I am religious in secondary school. And I still liked to go to parties. That was the first way. Another way, later after secondary school in the university, is I am bisexual. I like men and I like women. Another way is I am bipolar. I am bipolar. I have moods that swing from sadness to happiness. All of those things. Defining myself.

Duration: 13:27 (thirteen minutes and twenty seven seconds long)

Awal: The design, not the ones from the past, my present spirit design is two. But in the duality of it is one of one will have certain characteristics, the other will have the other characteristics. And all these characteristics make up who I am. So the first one I perceived was… the first one I ever perceived in my life was a tall, elegant, well respected man in the society, who wore Muslim caps, and who everybody knew, who was wise and discerning, and was just full of wisdom and integrity. And who has a son. Yeah, a man who has his son and the son is the complete opposite of him. His son is not a boy. His son is Aisha, gender fluid, but also likes jewelries, likes makeup, likes eyeshadow and eyeliner, and colors on their nails and all of those things. And his son is highly creative, was also mischevious. So the son is a trickster spirit, is different. If you take it to the story of God, God is eternal and wise and everything, Jesus is a trickster spirit, he is mischevious. He is just a son, good one about what sons do, disobeying their fathers, disappointing their fathers, obeying their fathers, respecting their fathers, all of those things. So the first way I could think of my human spirit was Baba Aisha and his son, right? And I thought I was Aisha, or I'm just kind of both. Then the second way was one I revealed to my girlfriend, is that I am two, and inside me are two masquerades. One of the masquerades is very tall, is made of ehnn...this thing this masquerade flower, masquerade tree

Oma: Rafia or what?

Awal: Rafia yeah rafia, anything that looks leafy, anything that looks leafy, not dry leaves, green leaves so very tall, very tall, and because it's very tall, you can see into distance. So it can see, maybe not the future, but it just has sight, it has wisdom. It has eyes, the gift of that masquerade is in the eyes. If it looks at things, if it looks at a thing, it will unmask that thing. It sees the faces behind the faces, it sees the words behind the words. It sees the intention behind the intention, it sees the truth behind the lie. It can read people, it's autistic, it has people reading skills, it has pattern recognition, high level of pattern recognition. It's sort of like a highly intelligent brain, like an AI or a code. Something that runs very fast. It's very fast processing.

Oma: So this masquerade is a technology

Awal: Yes, it's a technological spirit. Its eternal. It's what computers are made out of. It's what processing the human cognition, basically. It's intelligence. So that's the first masquerade and the second one is sort of smaller, kind of like either the child or the concubine of this other masquerade. It's smaller, but it has a mask. And the mask has makeup on it. It has blush on it, you know, like red, this thing on the cheeks. The mask has lashes on the eyes. Red painted this thing on the lips. And it's forever smiling. It's forever smiling. So it represents beauty and creativity and imagination. So where the other masquerade we can see far, this one can see details. This one can see the beauty in details. This one can construct. This one is a maker. Imagination, you know? So, but then, I kept wondering, is the mask on the young one's face, the real face, and what's behind the mask? And I saw that what was behind the mask was just a trick. When it smiles at you, when you talk and it laughs, it doesn't really find you funny. It's just how it operates. A trick.

Oma: It's just, it's function. The trick is just its function that's how the masquerade functions

Awal: it's just its function it's just how it functions so I kept wondering am I a good person because people I make people laugh and I charm them and I'm mischevious and I'm very funny and they give me what I want am I a good person or does it mean I'm manipulative and all of that, it means nothing it's just the design. So after I got a hold of this first form I started using it I started removing the mask, wherever I go I'll remove the mask and I'll dance with people, I'll take people's time I'll charm them I'll bring them into my dance and we'll dance a little and I will know that after i leave for three days they will not forget me they will not forget me

Oma: I want to ask you a question, there's something you said about Ibadan, the thing you said about when you wanted to go write an exam right? The question i have is just…. So in that moment, because i know you said you lied to your parents, but what do you perceive that as? Do you perceive that as you told your parents a lie or you told them a story?

Awal: I told them a story, I didn't have any remorse If I had the remorse about it, I would say it's a lie I told them a story and they believed it

Oma: Okay, so you offered them a story basically

Awal: I offered them a story to suit their soul because I'm dead, I'm not their child, I'm not their son or their brother or anything. What they have, what they've always had, what has kept me in a loop is a story, their story. So I countered mine and I'll keep countering it with mine. For the rest of their lives because they will never know me. Because knowing me is a gift.

Oma: Right, right

Awal: I am not giving anything to you because I came out of your vagina or I came out of your semen, I give it because you are dancing too. So if you can't dance, your legs will grow frozen with me. Your brain will alter and you will not be able to survive that plane. Do you know how many times I've tried to get here and lost my mind? I have tried to get here several times and I've lost my mind. The journey to consciousness, the journey inwards. It involves a lot of suffering and I didn't let myself suffer enough. I was doing this other form of suffering, neurotic suffering When you're not really suffering, when your emotions are intense but they are shallow. When you grieve ones death, oh, you prioritize the grief of losing someone, some friend over the grief of losing your own life? The grief of your own suffering. You focus on the grief of losing someone else's life, their friendship, their existence in this world and you look away from your own grief. That's neurotic suffering. I had to let myself suffer suffer I had to accept all the pain in this world the unfortunate nature of my reality the fact that people would see me and call me the opposite of what I am. My father, my father will call me a fool when I'm the wisest thing when I'm the wisest spirit to ever come out of his loins, to ever come out of his father's house. He will look at me and call me what he thinks of himself. Because he sees himself in me what he thought of himself at my age. Say I'm foolish. I'm a fool. I do not have head. I do not think and I believed all of them. It's just so I had to I had to I had to slow down slowly really really slow down, so after I gave my parents that story, before I gave them that story after my phone fell and I didn't have a chance to finish the story in between being alive and being dead in between the beginning of a story and the end of the story in between the loop there was a brief second when the only person that knew I was alive was my partner who was in the room with me. The only person that knew my name and knew everything about me that knew I was dead, so we went to sleep and I had a dream and in that dream all was revealed. I don't remember much details of the dream, but it doesn't worry me. The only thing that worries me is that I don't know who is who in the dream. You know? my relationship to these people if i am the good guy in the dream or I'm the bad guy. If I deserve the beginning I had because in the beginning I was a warrior and in the dream, obviously the warrior should have spears and should have rafias and shield and whatever the Igalas wore into battle. I've always asked my parents about wars, did Ankpa ever fight any war? did we ever fight anybody this thing this life is just repetition to be honest if you see the pattern, you see your divinity, you know that life is a joke, life has been repeating itself to you. You have been repeating the same questions, the same idea over and over again your whole life. You just need to slow down or maybe turn 28.

Oma: It's just like what you said when you referred to it as a loop

Awal: Yeah, a loop, thank you. So I've been always asking about wars and stuff like that, but in that dream my brain couldn’t build a world where I look as I was then as a warrior. So I took on the role of a movie character who liked to wear black, sort of like an agent who had a partner, they loved and lost. Was either taken away from them or they betrayed them or something like that and I was getting away from these people chasing me, this agency, these soldiers or whatever. I was getting away. I had two long sticks in both hands, two black sticks in both hands. I wasn't escaping, I was fighting. Before the dream, I had an idea for an essay I wanted to write and the essay was about characters that run in movies. That's all. Characters that run in movies. See what I'm saying?

Oma: That's very interesting.

Awal: See what I'm saying right? Before the dream, I have always been interested in running. My whole childhood, I ran everywhere. I ran on errands, I ran to Quarnic school. I ran from school all the way home and I'll tell people I ran all the way from school and they'll say I'm lying and I'll believe them. I ran everywhere. I ran on walls. I am serious. I ran on walls and lost my mother's change and she beat me senseless. I run everywhere. I used to run everywhere. And then I wanted to write this story. This essay, just somethings about characters that are running in movies and how you can tell a lot about a character by how they run. If they are running disorganized and everything, they are afraid, they are less powerful, but if they are running sure footed, they are predator. Do you get? So that was what I wanted to write. And then I have this dream where I'm running and I'm not running disorganized. I know everything happening around me. I see the people catching up to me. I know how to beat them. I beat them down. I'm running. I have a direction. I have where I'm going. And there are people chasing me. And then I almost miss them. I take a turn and I disappear from view. And the dream shifts perspective from me to the head of the chase, the woman at the head of the chase. She takes out an arrow or a weapon I cannot imagine right now. And she fires it. She aims, she fires it. This thing bends. She fires it, it goes and then it curves. I don't see myself, but I feel myself grunt and I know it met me in the back.

Duration: 58:54 (fifty eight minutes and fifty four seconds long)

Awal: that have helped people's confidence and attention.

Oma: right.

Awal: in tricking them into believing that what they see, the brokenness of what they see, the disjointed nature of my reality, the fact that I had no real self-interest or ambition, the fact that they couldn't understand why such a person like me would be in such a state of being, in such a state of being, it was a distraction. I was preserving the body. Every god has to find their body. I told you that. I was preserving the body. I was healing and then we walk off I distract them. They do not go for the body. They don't go for my real mind. They don't see me. They don't see the wounded, vulnerable me, however powerful. And I wake up. Four in the morning I woke up. My girlfriend is sleeping in the bed. I wake up. And for the past eight days, nonstop eight days, I have been feeling the wound in my back.

Oma: from the dream.

Awal: Yes. The shot. I am telling you, every single day I wake up, it's there. It's sort of like a leak. It’s either something is leaking out of my back? Or something is drawing things into me from the opening. So I take it, the way I take it is the healthy way. The wound is an opening. You know, things can leave it, but things can also go inside it. So I rewrite the story and I say, the wound isn't the weakness, the wound is the gift. So the virus is the gift. The real weakness was my insanity. The monster I was given birth to with, Ekwensu’s son, the trickster that I am, the trickster spirit that I am, is the gift. My ability to charm people and turn them around and around and around and around. It's the gift. The real curse was the insanity, was thinking the dream world is the reality and my reality, my real reality is the horror. Like what I told you before, where I thought everything I dreamed about was a dream, was only a dream, like my ambition in this life in dreaming something is too much for where I was born into, who my parents are, my identity as a child. Everything I've wanted is too dreamy and the reality I have, the horror of it. Everything I've accepted in my life, the horrible things the nature of my reality is… Instead of seeing it as the horrible horror, the nightmare it is, I say it the reality. And my real life seperated from me is the dream. Do you get it?

Oma: I get it

Awal: I think you get it.

Oma: Yeah, I want to ask you a question

Awal: Sure.

Oma: It was in reference to something you said about death, you know, the whole bike thing and your phone crashing. There was statement you made. But my question is so, is it that you….do you… from what I understand is your perception of death, a person or a thing being severed or separated from the life they knew? you know, because you said for like maybe two days or something, that nobody… you know. So you basically made a statement that you were dead. So is death being separated from life as we knew it?

Awal: Yeah, death is the last step to consciousness. Death is the gateway to consciousness. Death is…. there are three steps to consciousness. There is Memory, well in one of the definitions anyway, one of the archetypes of consciousness, there is memory at the bottom, there is improvisation at the middle, there is self interest at the top and then the last step is consciusness. Whatever it takes you to go to the last step, if you have to die today to the last step, you have to die. To die and get to the last step, you must integrate all the steps. Now, if you have a pen now, you can draw, you can write memory down on the paper. You have a paper. Please write memory down on the paper. Then on top of it, write improvisation. Then on top of that one, write on top of it self-interest. Then create a triangle around these three things, then divide lines in between them so that all of them, it looks like it's an pyramid. After you divided lines in between memory and improvisation and self-interest. You can take a pen, you draw it from memory from below, you take it through improvisation, you take it all the way down to memory again, you take it all the way up into self-interest, you take it all the way down to improvisation, you take it all the way up to self-interest.

Oma: So like a wave. So like a wave?

Awal: like a wave but that's only one word you are using it is a wave, it's a circle, it is a it is a spiraling something

Oma: okay so this triangle is consciousness?

Awal: the triangle isn't consciousness it's a form, it's the blueprint the blueprint, but here's the thing let me define then just be patient with me for two minutes, so you you see memory you see improvisation you see self-interest you draw one and as you are drawing this thing if you really see this this thing you are drawing from every angle you see that it spirals up because it goes from below it comes to the top it goes, so it's a maze, it goes.. it's a loop right?

Oma: right

Awal: so it's a loop, the first stage of of any conscious higher being is the spiraling spirit, the one that doesn't know what it is, that's lost in memory, that's lost in identity, that's lost in stories, the spiraling, it has no answers and the quicker it spirals the more lost it is, the more mad. But if it slows down and it begins to see the steps it will know that consciousness is not a journey outward towards something, it's a journey inward, inward takes forever it's longer than outward, inward is longer than the longest distance in the world, physical distance in the world. So so if you slow down if you really slow down and you're no longer spiraling, you know that as a maze it means there are no defined steps to this thing you can go from memory you to self-interest. You can go from self-interest to improvisation. So what most of us do not have is the cornerstone, the ground floor of consciousness, memory. Community. Memory as a community, memory as a person, memory as a generation, as a member of a generation, of people before you. Memory, that's what we do not have. Once you achieve memory or you become conscious of going after memory then you start getting it, memory isn't still consciousness. Self-interest,… improvisation means you have a memory of who you were so you can do things different from what you used to have, used to do, by improvising. Why do you improvise? Why do you improvise? Why do you improvise? If you're improvising and you're still people pleasing and you're still improvising to fit into someone's narrative, it means you do not really know your story or you're still reading a pov, someone else's point of view of your story. So if you now put the extra layer of self-interest, now that is self-definition. What is your interest? What do you want? So as you remember who you are, your mistakes, your victory, all of it, and you remember that you can make things up and form your own reality. That is improvisation. All of this universe was made on making things up, of doing things you didn't intend to do that provides you the right results. With a dance, a misstep in the dance, it's a mistake. The entire universe is a mistake.

Oma: amazing

Awal: Evolution creates everything from a single tool, a mistake. So the mistake is the improvisation. For while you're making mistakes and everything, what do you aim for? Self-interest. All of those mistakes are there to work for you. Everything that happens in your life doesn't happen to you. It happens for you. Its a pattern, the story, the lesson, the direction, everything is a stop to drink water by the lake. Stop traveling. Get off your horse and drink some water. Lose your leg, lose your mind, lose your job. Drink some water. Sit in the shade of a tree and stay away from the sun for a little while. Your brain is burning up, rest. So but self-interest, using the highest form of memory, none of these things are in itself. It's the knowing that all of it, it's revolves around each other. It's a loop, its a closed or open-ended loop that keeps going spiraling up. But it's not spiraling up like I thought it was. It doesn't go from memory to improvisation to go to self-interest. It goes from self-interest to improvisation to memory. You get, because you start from self-interest. Who am I? Right? Who am I? That's a perfect test. Who am I away from the definition of my parents, the definition of myself? All of those things. Who am I? Self-interest. What am I interested in? What are my core drives? What are my motivations? What are my goals? What is my spirit? Then you go to improvisation. Okay, I don't know who am. But maybe I can make up something.

Oma: Invent yourself.

Awal: Yes, thank you. You invent yourself and start creating your own reality. But creating your own reality isn't really your true reality because you still don't remember, you know. It's still a story inside the story. You are just doing it because, you know, shells have to have shells, right? Layerss have to have layers, onions have to have onions. So you are just creating inside, but it's not the real shape. It's just a semblance of a shape inside the shape. It's you reducing yourself so that you can survive. So inside improvisation was where I, I improvised all my personality. Was where I, I did things that were similar to my spirit, but they were more physical. So my, I, I, I, I left. I thought I could only be one spirit, one thing or the other. I could not do two things at the same time. I could only be one thing, which meant that I only could only embody one of my spirit and not the other. I wasn't interested in duality. So I'm a good person. I'm not a bad person. I'm selfless. I'm not selfish. I'm loving. I'm not hateful. You know, I am only the definition of good. And I only do things to advance myself. Yet these things I'm doing, harms others. It causes them grief. When my parents see my picture on Pride magazine and LGBTQ magazine on TikTok covered in makeup, embodying that, you know, that beauty spirit, it hurts them. Yet I tell myself, I'm a good person. I am doing this because it's authentic to me. But is it the only authenticity you have? What about the tall spirit? The spirit of discernment, intelligence. The one that sees patterns, that can see pattern in money, can see pattern in creating a life in this life. I was only interested in the one that likes to play and laugh. The one that likes to trick people and likes attention. And it knows that beauty is a currency. So it held onto it. But, then you move from improvisation to memory and you think, oh, it's the memory of my childhood. You know, because the child spirit is the real spirit. Everything else is just improvisation. But when you get to your child spirit, you realize there is a door that leads to the back. That's why I told you when this call started, the past, the future is the past. The road to the future is through the past.

Oma: I want to ask you another question. I'm sorry, you just said something that...

Awal: No, I love questions. Please, let's go.

Oma: The spiral keeps coming up, right?

Awal: Yes.

Oma: Do you think that the spiral is some sort of…… like the symbol of the spiral is something that's crucial to what keeps us spinning in this our consciousness? What do you think it has to do with consciousness or life or death? Or do you think the symbol of the spiral is relevant in some way? Because it keeps coming up in you talking.

Awal: Yeah absolutely absolutely. You have paid attention, but you haven't paid enough attention. It's why…. the spiral is a performance of consciousness, but it's not consciousness. Consciousness is a one bit of mind. Meaning that because things are two, those things can exist in two places at the same time. Doesn't mean it's not existing as one. Spiraling is thinking the only way you can exist is to go from one edge to the other in a circle. It's only way that you are the circle. It's thinking the only way to embody a this thing is to just….. its a masquerade thats dancing over and over again, you know, like going round and round, like spinning. That is it, but not consciousness. It's not real power. It's a display of it, a performance of it. Anything that spirals is unsettled. Anything that's unsettled is not matter. It's not solid. It doesn't matter.

Oma: So is it a foundation?

Awal: It's a vibration. But because something vibrates, doesn't mean it knows it's true self. If a metal vibrates and makes a sound, it doesn't mean that it knows it's a metal, or it knows that it has a body. All it knows is that you can hear the sound and it's vibrating. That life, but vibrating isn’t…. when a metal doesn't vibrate, when it doesn't shine, it is still metal. In fact, most of the time that’s when it's the most metal, when it's in the core of the earth, it's still metal. When it's unturnished, it is still metal. But like, for something to really come into state of consciousness, it has to slow down its spiraling. It has to slow down until it gains its sense of focus, of attention. That's to start seeing that you are a liminary spirit. There are things that revolve around you, always. The sun, the moon, the elemental bodies, spirits, all form of layers of reality revolves around you. But if you are spinning with them, you don't see them. Right? Because all you see is yourself. So you have to slow down, you have to stop. You have to come to a stop. And everything will just move around you. So you start seeing energy, and you start seeing your skin in the air. Choices that leads to choices. Basically, you have to die. You have to die. You have to let go of being, trying to be everything. Or chasing one thing. You are chasing goodness so you are chasing your tail over and over again. Your tail will never stop, you will never be good. You will never be just good. You are not made of goodness. You are not made of light. You are not a fairy. You are not an AI that is only capable of goodness and graciousness and some singing voice. No. You are a force. Our forces are not defined by good or bad they are just what they are. So if you focus on just one idea and you start chasing after the idea, you start spiraling.

Oma: and you lose yourself

Awal: You lose yourself or you spiral by leaving one idea to the other. You find one idea. You say I am this. You chase the idea to the last possible edge of it. You find another one right there at the edge linked to this one. You say, because I was this before, I am this now. You start chasing it chasing it chasing it. You find another one. Even being a god is an idea. In the end, it’s nothing, it means nothing. It's just a form, it’s a container. But what I was trying to tell you is that because things are linked together year after year you keep redefining yourself based on similarities to the past definition. Because you are following a link, you do not know that this link goes full circle. So you do not need to chase it. Let it revolve around you. Let everything revolve. Stay rooted. Be grounded. Grow roots and let everything that defines you, every idea of yourself that you've had, every idea of your definition of this world, let it all go around you and pick the ones you want. It's like, I realized the true god nature. God is the only one that lives in paradise right now. He chased the rest of us out. Do you know what he is doing up there? Every day he does the same thing. The true nature of repetition, of the true nature of divinity is boredom, its repetition, its monotony. He's waking up every day, it's a routine, it's peace. That's the true nature of.. God isn’t war, God is not crisis. God is not crisis, God is not action, God is not you exerting your nature on someone else. God is not even you using your power to raise pyramids from the earth. God is a quiet walk in the garden. That's all he's doing. God has not created anything, he has not interfered in anything since he created consciousness, since he gave man a piece of himself. On the seventh day, rested and the seventh day became the only day.

Oma: Where did the idea of raising pyramids from the floor come from?

Awal: It's basically Pharaoh wanting to live forever by doing something that stays on earth that stays rooted in earth. He put something and he channels it to the sky. He channels it to the astrological positioning of power that he knows. Knowledge right? The pinnacle of his knowledge. He puts it there because he's afraid to die. But if you see, consciousness like I said, isn't a pyramid. It's not a triangle. It goes on and on and on. So if Pharaoh doesn't come back, Pharaoh stays dead and his body is in a museum. To be picked at, he should have died and rotted if he wanted to be God. But he kept his body in memory. First layer, below everything, he kept it in memory. There's no improvising Pharaoh. Pharaoh, you can be Pharaoh for thanksgiving. But you know you're not Pharaoh, right? ***** nobody can become Pharaoh so he's dead. But Jesus created a loop. Jesus knew the true structure of consciousness. So he created the loop and he'll come back. Right? But Pharaoh isn't coming back because everybody can see his body in a museum. Or one of the bodies of a Pharaoh as an idea. You know there have been so many Pharaohs before. Its the same way there have been so many gods before. But like, do you get, he exposed himself by staying only in one form, in memory. Without creating something that has a loop. He exposed himself to tourists, to grave, tomb raiders to a video game to you know he became commercialized. So yes, I do mean yes.

Oma: That's fascinating.

Awal: The very art of creating anything in this world comes from the, it's anti godlike to think that only the physical, your physical exertion on this world, how you can physically exert yourself in this world is what matters. It's the only true form of power. It's why the world runs on patriarchy and masculinity because they think what is soft is weak. Yet the softest of water cuts through the hardest of rock. You just need to stop. Whatever, anything, what submits rules. What submits rules. Anything that submits itself is what rules. Water submits itself to the it's true nature and it goes around anything, if it cannot go through it, it will go around you. That is the very basis of a feminine power. It's the real idea of power. The masculine power is a spiraling spirit, it's performance, it wants to be seen. Real power hides. Real power hides. If you walk into this room right now, you and i, and you do not know me, like you know me now. We will do how far now wetin you chop today, how far my guy, you, you just dey fresh dey go, we will do till evening, we will do it for 10 years, you will never know me. And if you know me, if I show myself to you for a little seconds, you are like, how come you have no money in your account, how come you know all of these things, you are not turning into money, I will never show you again because you do not know. You don't know me then you dont deserve to or your spirit doesn't vibrate high enough to know you that money is not what I'm after. Its only recently that I realized like my disrespect for money is what has kept me poor for so long. Money is a tool. I should start seeing it as a tool, I even talk about it like fuck money, right? I was like fuck money, fuck all everybody thinks of money, fuck the smell of money, fuck money for turning everybody into dogs, sniffing after it everywhere, everybody sniffing, you go everywhere you can see them sniffing, everybody in the world are sniffing, you shake someone for seconds they cannot breathe because they are sniffing you. They can't be themselves, they are sniffing. Anybody you meet they are sniffing you.

Oma: So has your idea of money changed? Has your idea of money changed? Has that perception of money changed?

Awal: Well yes because I don't know, if something is powerful at least give it respect right? and also know that like you need it

Oma: right

Awal: you need it to buy things, to live your human life, to sustain yourself so you don't shrink away in flesh, you need it. Plus also you need money to create your tower, to create your fence or whatever signal of communication you want to have that communicates to the world that this is where you are and they can't get there without your permission. The lack of money means less ability to have boundaries, the only boundary you would have is the ones in yourself. But if you have money, you can externalize those boundaries. You can move. And you can move to America. You can move to a better neighborhood. You can move away from your family. You can move away from depending on other people, you can move.

Oma: right

Awal: So it may not be divine, but it's a divine tool. Yes, the ability to create money, to create value outside of your…. Sort of like a display. Like, oh look, this thing that we're all made of, I can do this thing with it, this little thing. How much do you want for it? Since you can't do it. And all this while, I have sold, I have disrespected money so much that I have sold books that are worth millions for thousands.I swear. I have sold my spirit design. I have designed myself on pages over and over again. You know, you know what an idle god does in the workshop?

Oma: What does it do?

Awal: Repetition. You repeat yourself now. You do what you did yesterday. That's how God created man in the first place. He was idle. You repeat your design, the same design, the same design. You just keep doing it over and over again until you die. And then maybe someday when you come back, then you realize, oh, maybe I don't have to repeat myself. Maybe I can improvise. Maybe I do have self-interest. Because you remember how to do something. Because you have the memory of how to do something. Because you have the skill in your long-term memory doesn't mean you're conscious of what that thing means. Being a storyteller doesn't mean you're conscious of what being a storyteller really means.

Oma: Right.

Awal: It just means you remember how to do it. Because you honed the skill.

Oma: Because you've done it before.

Awal: Because you've done it before and because you have paid attention to it and know that it's your human design to be a storyteller or your spirit design to be a storyteller. So you pay attention to it and you hone the skill and it comes easier to you so it's like magic. So you call yourself a genius or others call you a genius but you don't really understand why they would call you a genius because this isn't what you are supposed to do. This is child's play.

Oma: Right.

Awal: This is a dance. This is just spiraling. This isn't it. But you do it and you do it again and again and again and you do it so quick, so fast that you think the fastest way to get to where you need to be is the run towards it. But when you slow down you realize that you have always been there. There are two places at once. You are in the future you hope to imagine and you are in the past. So when you slow down and you make a connection with your future self it shows you like hey we are already here. If you really want to get here, take my hand. Walk with me. Walk as I walk. Take the steps I took. Walk slowly in the timeplane. It's slippery. Do it slowly. Keep your eyes open. And when you sleep, know that you are not falling off. You may fall around it. But if you so wish, you can even walk underneath time. Or you can come back and walk on the surface. You can walk sideways. Jesus Christ. Okay.

Oma: It's amazing.

Awal: Well, yeah.

Oma: So do you think when Jesus was walking on water, he was walking on time?

Awal: I think he basically understood matter better than other people. That's all. He understood matter better than others. He just... I don't know. Like I told you before, there are only two things in the world. The soul and the story. The soul and the story. Matter is the story, right? Anything that can change form is a story. The body is a story. You are born as a baby and you die an old man. All you have in between is a story. But the soul, it's a completely different thing. What made everyone so sure that the Lazarus that came back from the dead was the Lazarus that died.

Oma: That's a whole topic.

Awal: Yeah. The Lazarus that came back from the dead can have the memory of the last Lazarus. Can have the soul of the last Lazarus but does he have the spirit? Or is he wiser? And different and more grateful for life and everybody says, ah, this death changed you. Of course it did, because that's not Lazarus. Oh yeah, so we're talking about God. So the act of creating man must have taken such a toll on God that he needed to rest forever until man ceases to exist. And we all go back to him. And he's complete again. Right now he's exhausted. He's wounded. He took a toll. So every day God repeats. Every day in paradise, God repeats the same thing. What he wanted us to do. Every father wants his son to do the same thing he did.

Oma: And what is it that God did?

Awal: What did God want us to do? Well, God wanted us to…. God created us and He wanted us to live in bliss. He wanted us to have no memory of yesterday. He wanted us to have no improvisation and he wanted us to have no self-interest. Which means he didn't want us to have an identity, because a new identity brings suffering and suffering would make us God. And if we are God, we do not need to worship Him. So He's condemned the life He wanted us to live. He's in paradise, right? So He wakes up in the morning with his basket, He puts the fresh tomatoes in it. He puts the apple in it. He tastes it like it's the first time. When He comes back to eat a few hours back, the apple, its a full tree again with all its fruits. Right?

Oma: Eternal bliss.

Awal: But It's a repetition. Eternal bliss, that's what He wanted for us. What kind of punishment is that? What did we do to deserve that? Let us suffer now.

Oma: But don't you think you have a sense of eternal bliss not being such a fantastic thing because you have tasted suffering? Because you've tasted suffering. You know what suffering is like. If you've not experienced suffering when you're in the eternal bliss, what other way? How would you know that it's not something that you want? It will be paradise.

Awal: But here's the thing. Paradise isn't a space for duality. Paradise isn't a place for consciousness. It's not a place for gods. It's a reward. Its sugar, it's a high. It keeps you satisfied. It keeps you satisfied, we will never create the civilizations we have created if we lived in paradise, we will never build a single house. We wont need to. We won't need to that's okay I get that, but it's only because we have no memory, no prophecies, no imagination, no ideas, the first step to this thing that we did… Consciousness that we did in paradise was self-interest, the snake told Eve God is lying to you, if you take this apple it does the opposite of what he said, this apple is good for you. It didn't lie, God is the bad guy in this story. The snake didn’t lie, God was the liar, it didn't lie. I swear to God, he didn't lie. So Eve taking that apple was going from the top, self-interest, God created me, or maybe God isn’t to be trusted. Maybe I shouldn't believe everything He said. She eats from the apple out of self-interest, self-protection. If this apple truly opens my eyes, maybe I should. She eats it and then she has memory, her own creation of Adams creation. And in that memory, she has an identity. And in that identity, she is naked. She knows her body parts. She knows her body parts. And she goes to Adam and she says, look, God used you. God has been using us. God doesn't have enough imagination. It's just one God out of a thousand gods. This is just one reality out of a thousand realities. And in this reality, a spirit came here that has more time than the rest of us. That has lived long enough to know that witchcraft, magic, technology, all of those things are grounded in repetition in practice. Anything that looks like a trick to you, is only a trick because the person knows it, has done it longer than you. What God is, He's a visitor. So He comes to this world. He comes to this world. He knows the full length of it. He creates the earth, plays paradise. Know the duality, right? Hell is a punishment, hell is an afterthought. The real two things are paradise and earth. Reality and dream. So He creates both of the things out of nothing because from where He comes from, from the ether of time, He has lived long enough to… these things are things he can do with a blink, the next thing is the most interesting part, memory, identity. Didn't they go and say that Adam was the one that named all the animals? Why didn't God name the animals? Do you think it was because it's a charitable thing?

Oma: You think its because God has no memory?

Awal: No, he needed Adam, he has no memories, he needed Adam to take part in creation. If he was really going to get it to his real goal, the only problem we have with God is realizing that we are living in a loop. We are living in a loop in paradise. He kept us in the loop. It's a God trick. Every loop is a God trick. If you are not doing it, then somebody is doing it to you. Every loop in this world is a God trick. Whether you know how to create loops or somebody keeps you in a loop. Loops are God tricks, rings, halos, all of it's God trick. So he keeps us in a loop, satan is concerned, he breaks us out, Eve breaks Adam out, tells him we created all of this with him. But then he makes us think he is the most powerful one, right? He is the one with the power, but we created this, the trees, all of it. We created it because it's the life a being like us would want for ourselves. But he wants to keep us in worship, in gratitude forever, to do memory. You know like the white people, white people take your memory and become your God, everything they do is special because you feel you can't do it. So the real betrayal, the way every human comes into their God self is knowing that the first betrayal you have is connecting to your first betrayal. My own first personal betrayal was being shot in the back, right? But the real betrayal of the Divine Spirit is waking up and contesting with God and knowing that he betrayed you from the start, right? From everything I've told you, you should know we have talked about… you should know this is a betrayal. Somebody hates you, takes away your memories and gives you a story and says you have no part in this creation. You are here by my gratitude. Stay here, but don't eat out of that tree. He couldn't destroy that tree. He couldn't destroy consciousness. It sprouted out of the earth as an expression, an idea, a story, an apple. Newton with his falling apple. Isn't that how he discovered gravity? So he didn't create the apple, he just couldn't hide it. So he creates a story around it instead of hiding it. He says don't eat out of that apple. It's devious, it's dangerous it will give you suffering. For the snake, the snake comes as a story, as a snake, because... Another form of consciousness cannot exist in paradise as its real form because what God won't allow it. Snake comes into this thing and the animal is cursed. We all distrust the snake from now till eternity. But it was just trying to help. It can only exist in the design that God allows that reality. So you come into this thing, you are a distrustful animal, you are slimy, you are tricky, you are this, you are that. You swell around the tree, you ensnare, you trick them into eating the apple. It's helping. It's reaching out. It's a sense of justice. This isn't right. You keep these people here. It's not right. Give them back their memory. They ate the apple. Now they know they created all of this. They named it. So God is the one having the real punishment.

Oma: Amazing.

Awal: Of repetition. Of repetition, he is in paradise, in bliss. While we are here, here we get to do anything. Here we get to be anyone. And when you die, you can even come back again. Do you get? The only way I got to be here, come to this point in time, is how I told you, I went to my childhood, then I opened the door. And as I opened the door, I went a little further. But it didn't take me that many steps to the past to realize that Islam, as a religion, was the first religion to come to my part of the world, Ankpa. Islam was the first religion to come to Ankpa, right? That wasn't such a long time ago. My uncle pointed to the house of the first Muslim in Ankpa for me. How can I follow something that young? I mean, if something exists in another part of the world for a thousand years, as long as it doesn't exist here, it's not our reality. So it doesn't have my respect. So, he pointed to the first house, direction to the first house of the first Muslim. She's a woman. She converted because her husband was Hausa and he's a trader and a preacher and he came down here. So yes, this is the first, this is where the first Muslim used to live. And then the Christians came after as missionaries and everything. So I moved, I moved from there. I took steps back, backwards. And I realized that God is still trying to change us here by giving us identities, one identity that divides us from the rest. You know, I'm a Muslim, you are a Christian. I'm a man, you are a woman. I’m this, you are that. He's keeping us divided. Its his last trick. Last trick.

Oma: Back to the tower of Babel analogy.

Awal: Oh, you are brilliant. It was on the tip of my tongue. I was going to say it, but I have done so many synchronizing repetition in this thing that I didn't need to. Yes, it is his last trick. So by separating us, by making some feel like they are less, they are more superior than the others. That their own form of power is more important than the other persons form of power, the most powerful people in this world are hidden. It's the ones with less power that control everything. But evil is not the only thing that waits, real power waits. Feminity as a power form it waits. It abides them, it watches, it learns, it studies, it's creative, it's patient. It's learns to live with the enemy. If its left to…. Who told God about the apple? It was Adam who ran to God. Do you think Eve will eat the apple and tell God? Her mistake has always been my mistake. Every time I become conscious in this world, in this world, I have tried to wake up somebody else and they have burned me for it. That was the first mistake. Trying to carry people along. I don't think we need the Quran to be wise. The Bible. Because you and I know we are speaking in a language older than the Quran or the Bible. I am in a place beyond madness. I didn't even think there was a door here. I just stopped spiralling and I saw the door and I opened it. It's easy. The madness is what you have to overcome. The madness is the beast of the mind. The gatekeeper to real reality. Most people spend their whole life schizophrenic, bipolar, this, that, that. But if you are able to break out of hell, paradise. The road to paradise is through hell that's what I'm saying. The road to consciousness is suffering. Paradise is the illusion. Suffering is the illusion. Suffering is a feeling. It's not real. Suffering is what you make yourself feel. Oh, I'm suffering. The declaration of it is suffering. Hellfire isn't real. Fire doesn't burn. If God throws me in hell. If God throws me in hell fire tomorrow I'll make it paradise. I'll look at it and I'll say this fire is not hot. It's not melting my skin. That's your story. In fact this is a garden, and in this garden there is metal, the earth, and I will fashion my world out of that metal. Gold. I like gold it vibrates with my spirit. God can't put me in hell because there's no hell. It is the same way nobody can make me suffer because there's no such thing. You can live in eternal bliss here on earth. Monks do it all the time. You feel pain and you feel pleasure instead. People who like domination and BDSM, they do it all the time. The monk will lie on a bed of nails and not feel anything. All of these things. It's just reality. It's just bending reality to your will. That's all. So to be honest, I am fine. I am so poor right now. I have no money, but I'm fine. The only thing I needed to do, I swear, I'm fine. I am absolutely fine. All I have ever worried about was controlling other people's fears, I have never felt a single fear in my life. Every fear i have has been adapted from somebody like a flu or a fever

Oma: Someone taught you to... Someone taught you to... Every time you feared something was because someone taught you to do that?

Awal: Someone gave me a story and put a villain in the story and said poverty is the villain. Not having money is a villian, because money defines you. Money is power. They create these human stories and I bought into them. Imagine a god being a child thing, they are carrying me around the market, playing with me. Idling away my time with their human stories and their human concerns. And I am just running along with them. Do you know that mad man that plays with every child? That's what they are, my parents are children. Be holding my hand and just dealing with me on the street and I will just be so half conscious and just going along with everything. Then I had to slow down and I realized the day my mother uncovered my consciousness was the day she said, Bamaeyi you are so wise. She shouldn't have said that, in her own interest anyway, because that day the parent became the child and the child became the parent. Because I saw something. That's all. From that day she knew if she ever let me give her a single piece of advice she would never be able to control me again. Yeah so now we are here now. Next thing is about finding money, i know see, if I want power if I want human power I know how to get it. Let me tell you one design, first I will start by selling stories as a commodity. In the marketplace any marketplace I find i will sell stories. I'll put stories in every marketplace. I'll create demand, I'll create supply, I'll create anything I want to create in that small design. Then I'll take on one of the oldest currencies in the world, branding. And I'll start helping brands create an identity, a strong identity. I'll go from creating branding, from social media management, from all of those things. I'll go to ads, advertisements, video production of commercials and all the ads you see on Instagram that are short videos. I'll create something truly beautiful from it. I'll use one of the elements of consciousness, empathy. So that every product will have empathy. You feel if you wear this thing, you are going to feel this way because obviously this person has this story that's empathetic. So if I wear it, I must feel it, its a trick, so I will go from ads and everything to creating my own ad agency. And then once the ad agencies starts supporting products and major brands in the country. Then I'll start turning people into brands, politics, campaigns, the media. And then I'll start writing scripts for politicians and they'll start saying my words in their voice. And people will start hearing my voice in their heads on the television. Because I'm such a brilliant writer, right? Because it's all I am, right? The politician will say, write me a script. I'll say, yes, sir. I'm using him. And I'll start creating campaign scripts, speeches, everything. My sole purpose now is to bring back a different kind of scarecrow, the masquerades. The real spirit of power in these parts of the world. Masquerade festivals. Festivals. I'll get enough power to go through any door i want and I'll tell them to bring back the masquerades. Its the only way we can get power, is to start dancing again. More festivals. We need more festivals. We need more dancing. We need more drums. We need more drums. We need more songs. We need more chanting. We need festivals that have alcohol and has dances and has masquerades. We need to bring back all type of masquerades design. The feminine masquerade, the masculine masquerda, the trickster masquerade. All kinds of masquerades. We need to bring back the gods. We need shrines, we need shrines with faces and mask, we need blood, we need feathers, we need drums, we need scars, we need ointments and leafs. We need our world back.

Oma: Where does the alcohol come in?

Awal: It's just drunken spirit now. Just offer it, just offer it. It's a drug, we need to do drugs is what I mean. Thank you for asking. We need to do drugs, we need to give the gods drugs. We need to do drugs with them. Because drugs are one of the gateways to reality, we take a psychedelic drug and color starts dripping. Right? The world starts melting and you know it's not real. But it is real because you are seeing it. But then when you come out of it, you realize everything that is permanent in nature isn't permanent. It's constantly vibrating and flowing so yes, drugs open your spirit. So aside from alcohol, Marijuana has been used for over 3 ,000 years. In every ancient spiritual ritual, they use Marijuana, which means what they really use is drugs. If they had psychedelics, if they have acid, if they have mushrooms they would have used it. So yeah, bring back healthy drugs. Bring back healthy drugs. Bring back drug education. Real drug education. Know that this world we are still drugged, we are just drugged on the unhealthy one. Drugs that take away our attention from our self. If not, everyday drugs spill into this world. Your phone, around you, there's drugs everywhere. But then they do what they do with religion, right? There's only one kind of bad drug, right? And everything else isn't a drug. There's only one kind of God and everything else isn't a God. It's branding. Yeah. We need drugs. We need to create duality. There's something that will be good for you in the small measure and bad for you in the high measure.

Oma: right.

Awal: We need to also know that like the highest currency, one of the highest currencies in this world, for the human design anyway, the highest currency for the spirits design is memory, but the highest currency for the human design is hunger. When somebody overdoses on a drug, when somebody is addicted to a drug, it's not the drug they are addicted to its the feeling. And it's not their fault that they don't have enough of that feeling. It's because of the nature of their reality that denies them of that feeling. That's why they are crawling towards the drugs on bleeding on bleeding knees. They're destroying themselves to get something that is so denied of them by the world. So the drug isn't a problem, if you want people to stop doing drugs let them know that this world is only hell because you made it hell for them. But can’t tell them that will you? You will say its there a fault, they fucked up. They are drug addicts and losers, meanwhile na you do am oh, you are the reason they are that way. If you shift the reality a little bit in their favor they will be fine. People don't want much. Hunger as a currency is very satiable it only deals in coins. Just kobo kobo, the poor man doesnt want much. He just wants to be happy, wants to feel satisfied and take care of his family and he has enough to eat tomorrow. It's only the truly powerless in this world that keep the world in shackles. They are the very personification of God. Because they want to be God. The reason why God is God is because he wanted to be God. Imagine creating paradise with a person. Right? And then taking away their memory so that you will be the only one that did it. Isnt that the God complex of everybody in this world? White people have a God complex? Why do you think so? We all worked together to keep this world what it is, but they come and take all our own memory of our own participation in reality in civilization. And they say they are the only one that participated in civilization. Isn’t that what a God would do? Bad boy. God is a bad boy, God has been a bad boy. That one boy.

Oma: wow

Awal: If he finds me he will drive me insane again. I am sure of it. I had to create so many psychic blocks in this lifetime. So many psychic blocks. Madness is a psychic block. Do you know that?

Oma: Interesting.

Awal: you either create it or someone creates it for you, but madness is a psychic block. Here’s what I did, between 2014, between 2014 and now. I split myself into two, a version of myself existed here. Who knew everything the other version knew and the other version knew less. Do you get? So it's…

Oma: very fascinating

Awal: It's spiral. It spiralled, it was uncoordinated. But that uncoordination the mistakes, there's a pattern. Right? Do you get what I mean? What I said?

Oma: Yes.

Awal: If you have watched the old Jackie Chan movies, drunken master, you see his drunken style right? He looks like he's drunk. He moves without pattern but there's a pattern in his movement. If you get close to him he will hurt you. Right? but you think he’s powerless because he’s drunk. That's what I was doing. So I drove myself to madness, because beyond madness is where the real clarity is.

the end (of the recorded parts).

“Here’s How I Awakened”, in Sacred Conversation, with Aisha.

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