Dear Senthuran by Akwaeke Emezi (Book Review)
BLURB
In three critically acclaimed novels, Akwaeke Emezi has introduced readers to a landscape marked by familial tensions, Igbo belief systems, and a boundless search for what it means to be free. Now, in this extraordinary memoir, the bestselling author of The Death of Vivek Oji reveals the harrowing yet resolute truths of their own life. Through candid, intimate correspondence with friends, lovers, and family, Emezi traces the unfolding of a self and the unforgettable journey of a creative spirit stepping into power in the human world. Their story weaves through transformative decisions about their gender and body, their precipitous path to success as a writer, and the turmoil of relationships on an emotional, romantic, and spiritual plane, culminating in a book that is as tender as it is brutal.
INTRODUCTION
I have read memoirs, but I haven’t read any that held on to me too tightly and refused to let go till I finished consuming the masterpiece that it was.
After reading The death of Vivek Oji and You made a fool of death with your beauty by the same author, I decided to read their memoir, because I think they have a fabulous mind and I really wanted to know them on a deeper level.
This book is like a Bible to me. A guide. An instruction on what I should do. Especially as a young Igbo writer. So I always go back to read it, and say some of the words as my mantra.
PLOT
This book is a series of heartfelt letters Emezi addresses to some people, while baring their mind and life. One thing I love about this memoir is its honesty, and sincerity. I got to delve into the life of Akwaeke and understand their struggles, and pains and joys.
Akwaeke writes about their god-ship, and how everyone tried so much to make them into what they know they are not. Right from childhood, they’ve been an avid reader who read every book in their parents’ bookshelves, but then the fire that burned in them wasn’t doused.
Even when they didn’t have a name to it, they knew they existed in a wrong body. And because no one gave them the right answers they demanded, they started self-harming, because as an ogbanje, they existed to die.
Now an ogbanje in Igbo mythology is a child that keeps coming to the world and going back to the after life almost immediately.
According to Emezi, they're the ones with one foot on the other side. This means that their entire existence is to prepare them for the journey to the after life they would be embarking on soon.
A lot of things about their existence didn't make sense to them. So they fought so hard to understand.
The letter I loved so much are the ones they address to Nonso.
“Execution / Dear Nonso
We’ve never met. This might not even be one of your many names, but I know you’re out there, several people scattered across the world, story tellers who are starting out…
… What happens after you make the work might be uncertain, but one thing is guaranteed: if you don’t make the work, nothing will happen.”
Now, I am taking this particular letter personally. I am substituting Nonso with Ezioma. I am a storyteller who is just starting out and I don’t know what tomorrow holds for me, but this letter is filled with hope. It speaks to me. It tells me, “if I can do this, then you too, can. Your dreams are one hundred percent valid, you just need to put in the work.”
One thing I like about Emezi is their confidence and how much they believe in themselves. In a portion of the book they say they know they can never work nine to five or serve tables again. They’re a writer, they write books, and if that will not be their only source of income, then they would perish. They even get their knuckles tattooed, as a reminder that no one would employ them, so they need to work harder in writing their books.
Now tell me what confidence is if not that? I enjoyed every bit of this book, especially the letters addressed to Marguerite and Nonso. They talk about their childhood experiences in Aba, and everything they went through, even the traumatic experiences they encountered in their course of existing.
There are lots of findings you would make in this book, a lot of fragility you would discover, a lot of pains. Some you could relate to, and others you couldn’t.
In this book, they talk about their shot to stardom and the numerous surgeries they have had to do, especially when it comes to gender reassignment. They talk about their debut novel, Freshwater, and the troubles they faced during its publication.
They talk about their relationship with their mother and other family members and the role they played in their life.
They talk about the people in the industry who would want to manipulate young up and coming writers, and how to stand your ground when you encounter such manipulators.
FINAL THOUGHTS
Like I stated earlier, I was curious about Akwaeke’s life after I read The death of Vivek Oji. I wanted to know more about them, because the brilliance of that work should be studied. And I knew a lot the fictional events in that book might be part of their real life experiences. So after reading this book, I was satisfied. I understood many things.
It takes a whole lot of courage to completely strip your life bare for people to read, and I must laud Akwaeke for that high level of courage. I love the fact that this book makes you feel seen, dares you to discover who you truly are, and live your life for yourself irrespective of what anyone would think.
There comes a time in everybody’s lives, when they would take a bold step in their journey of becoming who or what they should be; the self they have masked for too long. And if you need a push, something to encourage you to go for it, then Dear Senthuran is that book.
Also, if you feel like you're in the wrong body, and no one understands your existence, I will encourage you to read this book.
That's one good thing about stories. They let you know that you are not alone in this world. No matter how lonely and misunderstood you might feel, there's someone somewhere who has already felt that way. And there is a book about your situation, no matter how weird or eccentric you might think they are.