Young Igbo Mask Dancers Wearing Net Masks and Raffia Costumes.

Let’s make an attempt to review the concept of Spirit Spouse through multiple lenses of universal principles, with the goal to demystify the phenomenon in the minds of those of us who still struggle with this idea as a way of being.

Please note that this is a simplified attempt to explain the concept of Di Mmuo. It’s impossible to capture all its nuances or expressions within one piece, so I’ll focus on clear, direct angles. Consider this blog post a brief introduction to a much deeper subject.

Di Mmuo Phenomenon in Odinani

In Odinani, the Spirit Spouse phenomenon is known as Di Mmuo, or in certain cases, Di Mmiri. It reflects the belief that every person born into this world is connected to the spirit realm, where they have a spiritual counterpart or other half.

In Odinani, the spirit world (Ala Mmuo) is regarded as the source of all creation and the ultimate reality underlying the physical world (Ala Mmadu). The concept of Di Mmuo is rooted in the belief that every person comes from a preexisting realm, where they already belong to spiritual families and alliances before being born into this world.

It’s important to clarify that the reality of Di Mmuo should not be confused with Di Uwa. Di Uwa refers to the soul ties we form during our incarnation in this physical realm. As energetic beings, we often develop strong emotional and spiritual connections with others, whether consciously or unconsciously, creating links between souls. This is what is understood as Di Uwa, a distinct manifestation from Di Mmuo.

Please also note that the use of ‘Di’ here goes beyond its common, domestic meaning, it is not a gendered term in this context. Rather, ‘Di’ implies mastery and wholeness, the point where all aspects of possibility meet and harmonize as one. It represents a state of balance in which each side governs and influences the other, inseparably connected in mutual existence.

The Principle of Gender and The Principle of Polarity

I would like to begin this review with the Principle of Gender, alongside the Principles of Polarity and Rhythm, as our first lens. It’s important to clarify that the Principle of Gender discussed here is not about sex or social identity. Rather, it refers to the feminine (Akwu, Eke, Nne, Nwunye, Nwaanyi, etc.) and masculine (Obi, Chi, Nna, Oke, etc.) principles, energies that embody the two inseparable aspects of our universal consciousness. These forces are complementary, working together to sustain balance and harmony within this cosmos.

The Principle of Gender teaches that gender exists in all things, everything carries both masculine and feminine principles. This dynamic manifests across all planes of existence within universal consciousness. It implies that everything worthy of understanding exists as a complementary pair, expressed through the interplay of the feminine and masculine energies.

The Principle of Polarity teaches that everything is dual; everything has poles; everything has its pair of opposites; like and unlike are the same; opposites are identical in nature, but different in degree; extremes meet; all truths are but half-truths; all paradoxes may be reconciled. While the Principle of Rhythm teaches that everything flows, out and in; everything has its tides; all things rise and fall; the pendulum-swing manifests in everything; the measure of the swing to the right is the measure of the swing to the left; rhythm compensates.

The Principles of Polarity and Rhythm work hand in hand. Polarity represents the two opposing extremes of the same essence, while Rhythm governs the natural flow between these extremes, ensuring their balance.

Through this lens, the spirit spouse phenomenon can be understood as the truth that whatever manifests here as the feminine must have its corresponding masculine principle existing elsewhere, and vice versa. Both remain spiritually connected, sustaining a rhythmic flow of life force between them to preserve harmony. When this balance is disrupted, it can lead to disorder or destructive outcomes.

The Principle of Correspondence

Let’s explore another lens — the Principle of Correspondence, summarized by the saying ‘as above, so below.’ This principle asserts that there is always a relationship between the laws and phenomena that govern the different planes of existence and life.

Otu Mmuo, Otu Mmadu. Okala Mmadu, Okala Mmuo. Ojena Mmuo, Ojena Mmadu.

The Principle of Correspondence teaches that all levels or dimensions of existence within the universe mirror one another. While each plane operates by its own unique laws, they are all bound by a shared pattern of universal truth.

The concept of the spirit spouse is rooted in the belief that a person can be ‘married’ in the spiritual realm, having a husband or wife that exists beyond the physical plane. This perspective helps us understand that if institutions like marriage and family, governed by specific laws and principles, exist here in the physical world, then it is possible that corresponding laws guide similar relationships and unions in other realms of existence from which we are believed to have incarnated into this world.

The Principle of Cause and Effect

The final lens I’d like us to explore is the Principle of Cause and Effect, which teaches that every cause has its effect, and every effect has its cause. Everything unfolds according to universal law, what we call ‘chance’ is simply a law we have yet to recognize. There are many planes of causation, but nothing escapes this principle.

This concept reminds us that every event or manifestation in our lives arises from an underlying cause. What we often describe as luck or coincidence is merely the result of causes that remain unseen or unacknowledged.

The spirit spouse phenomenon is widely discussed across various groups because, in examining the ‘effects’ of certain life situations, often negative, the search for causes frequently leads to unseen or misunderstood influences. In this context, that cause is believed to be a ‘spirit spouse’ affecting the life of their earthly counterpart, usually out of neglect or for a range of reasons rooted in intense passion or longing.

The Importance of Indigenous Perspective

This reality of Spirit Spouse has been grossly misunderstood and abused for a long time, mostly with (no) thanks to the influence of western religions. There are certain subjects like this one that seem complex when one attempts to interrogate them under the western gaze, but are however really simple in their nature when interrogated from indigenous perspectives.

Subjects or phenomena like this often stir a kind of inner conflict when brought up for discussion, largely because they challenge existing beliefs and reveal distortions already present within one’s consciousness or worldview.

(Wherever the will and belief are in conflict, belief always prevails.)

The Spirit Spouse phenomenon is one such topic, complex in appearance, yet simple in essence. It is a universal concept acknowledged across nearly all spiritual and religious traditions, even by those that seek to condemn it. Its reality is rooted in the spiritual nature of humanity; since we are spirit before matter, its existence and manifestations cannot be denied without denying an aspect of ourselves. People often fear or demonize what they do not understand, but every mystery remains in darkness only until the light of understanding breaks through.

To Sum It Up

One of the goals of this post is to help those who are interested free their minds from the fear of the unknown, especially when the unknown is an inevitable part of life. At the very least, we hope to assist in clearing away the clouds of fear and misunderstanding that often arise when the topic of spirit spouses is discussed, encouraging thoughtful inquiry rather than avoidance.

Our indigenous knowledge systems teach that every person is a multitude within themselves, we are never truly alone in this world. Therefore, we must resist the fear of our own nature and inner realities.

I encourage you not to view the different lenses explored in this post as separate ideas, but as interconnected layers that reveal a deeper truth that multiple realities can coexist and be true at the same time within a single phenomenon.

It would be incomplete to end this post without briefly addressing the subject of sex in relation to the spirit spouse phenomenon. I’ve often been asked why sexual interaction, in one form or another, appears to be the most prominent channel through which this reality expresses itself.

What I understand is that sex serves as one of the most powerful means within the human body for energetic alchemization — the merging of feminine and masculine principles (Otule Ete as identified in Afa). This merging is essential for creation, regeneration, and the birthing of new realities, whether spiritual or physical.

When I say ‘what we need,’ I’m referring to this energetic union, not the physical act of sex itself. Sex or sensuality is simply a channel, a symbolic tool for the deeper fusion of energies.

I will share more on this topic in another post. For now, we’ve come to the end of this one, and I hope it brings some clarity and peace. Udo!